The Emergency Room is a wonderful place, not to be, if at all possible. This past Sunday, a week ago, I began to have the experience that is far too common for many people living today–that of crushing chest pain extending all the way down my left arm. Since I live about three blocks from Kaiser, I did what every person should not do, which was drove myself to the ER while talking to my oldest daughter April (29) on the cell phone (while driving). Chest pains, driving, talking on the cell phone. The only thing missing was the ability to eat a cheeseburger and tie my shoes–next time.
Upon arrival, I was taken immediately back into a room for an EKG, and all of the other things that are done in such situations. The level of pain was constant, not getting better or worse, just somewhere between 5 and 10 on the subjective pain scale. In times like these, life–in movie form–does seem to pass before your eyes. Unfortunately, I never seem to have gotten past the part that says, “This content my not be suitable for all audiences, parental discretion advised…” 50 years on planet earth is a short span and yet we all must accept the fact that biological death is a reality (Eccl. 9:5, 10; Psa. 146:4)–but not the end of existence itself (John 11:26; Rev. 14:13). For believers, “eternal life” is a present possession (John 3:16; I John 5:12, 13).
Nothing to do except watch the monitor and listen to the video game sounds coming from the equipment with each beat of my heart. Blood pressure, heart rate, needles (ouch), all part of the program of attempting to save a life. After being administered three doses of Nitroglycerin the chest pain subsided and eventually my body returned to “normal.” Several hours later I was eventually allowed to leave and to return home to sleep in my own bed, in the comfort of my own home.
Perhaps the worst part of any ER experience is not just being there, but it is being there alone. I called my daughters to let them know what was going on, and my youngest, Jennifer (24) came by to see me, the concern written across her face. It was very late and she looked so tired that my concern for her fatigue prompted my encouragement for her to go home and rest. After my best “preacherly” persuasion, I convinced her that I was okay (never mind the colorful array of noisy gadgets and gizmo-thingy’s connected to my body at the time). She finally left after a threat of being “grounded” if she did not go home–not that it is even possible to “ground” a daughter who is 24 years old and who no longer lives at home. Again, I was alone.
Although there was a certain discomfort that remained for a few days thereafter, and scheduled follow-up visits with my doctor, there appears to be no lingering effects from the experience. Diet and exercise are always important things to consider in such situations, ways to improve our health and avoid the late night rush to the ER. What is surprising is the intense amount of concern doctors and nurses have who work in the business of “saving lives.” Wonderful people always come at a wonderful price and I expect for the chest pains to return about the same time I receive the invoices from the hospital.
Having lived long enough to have witnessed the death of friends and loved ones–my adoptive mother died the day after my 8th birthday, my adoptive father soon followed the day after Christmas when I was just 12. My biological mother, whom I came to know and love dearly, died in her late 50′s (although somehow she always claimed to be “39 and holding”) in 1995, with my stepfather passing suddenly in 1997 and an older brother (at age 42) in between the two, I have experienced life and death in those close to my heart. As a minister of the gospel I stood beside family members in the ER while someone close to them passed away and conducted funeral services for hundreds of people–some who I knew personally, others whose information was provided to me by grieving loved ones. I suppose my view of physical death is somewhat philosophical simply because my own experiences.
Those who assisted me in the ER were more concerned with keeping me alive than I was–not that I want to die today, but I have peace with God and therefore death seems more like stepping out of one set of clothes and into another. There are certainly some who would miss my twisted sense of humor, the radio program, and a few other things that I have managed (by God’s grace) to accomplish along the day, but there will be little fanfare when that day does arrive and I am okay with that. The best way to remember my passing will be in the celebration of my relationship with Jesus Christ and not about fancy services, elaborate caskets, and expensive headstones at the cemetery. Whatever is done to dispose of my body is fine with me. I am on the list of those who donate their bodies for medical research purposes, or cremation is always an option. The thought of having some first year medical student examining my “remains” and saying, “What the heck is that?…I have never seen anything that looks that this before?” is certainly not my favorite idea. Although being featured on “alien autopsy” would be kinda cool. But, I digress….
Being alone in the ER is the worst of all possible worlds, in my opinion. Having been married for 18 years before watching it crumble beneath my feet, brings with it, consequences, not the least of which is that of being alone during those times when you wish somebody was there to hold your hand and lie to you about how great you look. The vast library of theological books that surround my bedside do not really keep me warm at night–although some them do help with those times when sleep does not come easily. While in full time ministry I confess that I was not as compassionate toward those who had lost their mate in divorce as I should have been. Quoting verses and demanding compliance with rules and regulations about “guilty” and “innocent” parties in the complexity of human relationships somehow runs counter to what God’s grace, love and forgiveness is all about (See Matt. 19:1-9). God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), not on the basis of legalism, but because it so closely resembles a sort of “death” from which there is never an end, nor is healing of the wounded spirit fully possible although other relationships are possible.
The illustration of God as the husband of an unfaithful spouse (Israel) are abundant and the subsequent pain that such wandering away caused Him. Likewise, as a parent, God’s two children–Adam and Eve–turned rebellious and grieved the heart of their Father by their actions and their attitudes of blaming each other for their sinful disobedience to His one parental prohibition. Relationships are, at best, difficult on a good day. At worst, they perpetuate loneliness and hurt feelings as the words spoken to one another in anger echo long after they are forever silenced in divorce. Bitterness is common and children that are the casualties of these broken relationships eventually come to believe that such is “normal” and that divorce is simply part of the marriage process. Somebody once suggested that marriage should be like the DMV. You first get a “learners permit” followed later by a “test” and the license must be “renewed” every few years or otherwise just expire. Such a plan, of course, would put millions of attorneys out of business in short order and therefore could never happen. However, the “sanctity” of marriage and the relationship that two people, standing before God, in the presence of witnesses, is based upon “vows” that ought to be taken seriously.
Recently, someone in discussing the “pro-life” movement mentioned that the abortion of an unborn infant is the murder of a baby, while the action of divorce is the murder of the whole family–something most people never stop to consider. I suppose for men this could be named the “pro-WIFE” movement and believers could picket outside the offices of divorce attorneys–not a great idea, but it does make a point. In the ER, late last Sunday, alone amid the throng of medical professionals, something was missing, and I knew it.
I took a week off from producing new programs of Victory Words simply to allow my body the time to rest and to recover. To my knowledge there is nothing seriously wrong with me and I will continue to visit the doctor on a regular basis just to be sure. Some of you were aware of my recent experience and kept me lifted up before the Lord in prayer–something for which I am very thankful. Diet and exercise–two of the most painful words in the English language, but an absolute necessity. Even at age 50, I still have things to do and therefore cannot schedule the time of my death in the near future–it simply does not fit into my schedule these days. Radio programs, book projects, conferences, children who need my attention–just too busy to die right now. Therefore, I will proceed forward and continue to the work God has called me to do.
I apologize for not having fresh material on the website and new programs on the air, but alas, I needed to take a break and those of you to know me realize how difficult it is for me to admit that such a thing is even possible, much less a necessity. Sam and I are working on a book project and had something more serious occurred the readers might have been exposed to his views only without my vast wisdom and dry humor to moderate his theology. I just could not go on to be with the Lord and allow him to run amok in the pages of our mutual project. Of course, these comments are made tongue-in-cheek for those of you who may misunderstand my humor. Sam Frost and I have a great working relationship and even we can just get that first chapter out of the way, writing the rest of the book will be a breeze. We hope to have the work accomplished by the end of the year, but it may take longer. Max King has been working on his commentary of Romans 9-11 since about 1997 and Nevella (his wife) tells me the stack of legal pads is about four feet high at this point. Apparently, Max has not discovered that magical device called a “computer” yet–but when he does, I am sure that book will just flow right out!
Therefore, onward and upward we go. Victory Words continues with new programs beginning on Monday!
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